Did Feminism Set Me Free–Or Set Me Up?

Did feminism set me free—or set me up?

I grew up believing I could be anything. I sang the feminist anthem, “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar,” and believed every word.

I chased degrees, promotions, and adventure. Bought real estate. Moved cross-country. Traveled solo. Built a life I was proud of.

And all along, I held tightly to this idea: Motherhood can wait.

Until I’m ready. Until I meet the right person. Until the timing is perfect.

I felt empowered. Feminism opened doors that weren’t available to our grandmothers—financial freedom, career choices, sexual autonomy, and the radical notion that motherhood is a choice, not a destiny.

But somewhere along the way, I think I misunderstood that promise. I believed having it all meant having it whenever I wanted.

And when it came to fertility, I thought biology would be as adaptive as my ambition.

It wasn’t.

When Time Became the Enemy
When I hit 35, I was still waiting for my fairy tale. I had kissed a lot of frogs (even married a couple), but no one ever felt good enough for me to commit to children with them.

At 36, I married Prince Convenient out of desperation. Still no baby.

At 40, “someday” turned into “I hope I still have a chance.”

I’ll never forget sitting in the fertility clinic, staring at a chart that showed the steep drop in fertility after 35—and the dismal probabilities for women my age.

Why hadn’t anyone shown me this chart 10 years earlier? Why didn’t someone tell me this wasn’t just a personal choice—it was a biological time bomb?

What We Can Learn From Feminism
Did feminism fail me?  Or perhaps I misunderstood the message.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m profoundly grateful for the opportunities that feminism has given me. But it didn’t warn me about one brutal truth: fertility has limits.

And you better have a plan.
We need to empower women with the full picture:
✔ Egg freezing
✔ IVF
✔ Donor paths
✔ Solo motherhood

Not every woman will choose these paths, but every woman deserves to know she has options.

A New Kind of Empowerment
That’s why I wrote Mission: Motherhood, and it’s why I started my nonprofit, Cheri’s Choice. Not to prescribe a path, but to start a conversation.

If motherhood matters to you the way it did for me, it’s too important to leave on the back burner. 

Let’s normalize fertility planning the same way we normalize career planning.
Because if motherhood is part of your purpose, you deserve more than empty promises.

You deserve the truth—and a path forward.

That’s real empowerment.