Infertility and the stories we tell ourselves
Watch the Instagram reel at https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPg5TIEEyul/
I recently had a wonderful conversation with Dr. Said Daneshmand from the San Diego Fertility Center on his FertiliTEA podcast.
I am deeply inspired by the work these passionate and dedicated fertility doctors do to help women become mothers.
During our talk, Dr. D shared something he often sees in his practice:
When women come in for treatment, they feel like failures.
And they carry a deep sense of shame.
Judgmental thoughts haunt them:
𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦?
𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘐 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘴?
𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘐 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘳?
Sometimes, those criticisms even come from the people we love.
My heart breaks when I think about those conversations—because I’ve had similar thoughts.
In fact, I wondered if my past decisions had disqualified me from becoming a mother.
But they didn’t.
Regardless of the path that brought you to a fertility clinic, I want you to know this: there is still hope for you to have the family of your dreams.
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗲: 𝗠𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆
Depression, anxiety, and stress are heartbreakingly common among women facing infertility.
A systematic review of 44 studies (representing 53,300 female patients) found:
• Major depressive disorder: 22.9%
• Generalized anxiety disorder: 13.3%
• High stress levels: 78.8%
That means most women sitting in fertility waiting rooms are carrying not just the weight of medical treatments, but also invisible emotional pain.
So much of this distress stems from the stories we tell ourselves: self-blame, guilt, and the feeling that our bodies have failed us.
But the truth is, infertility is not a moral verdict.
It’s a medical condition.
And it deserves both medical and emotional care.
𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆:
While you’re navigating infertility, please don’t neglect your mental well-being.
Your emotional health is not secondary to your fertility—it’s a big part of it.
Here are a few ways to support yourself through the process:
• Find a therapist who specializes in infertility or reproductive loss.
They can help you process emotions, reframe your thoughts, and develop healthy coping strategies.
• Join a support group. I’ve got many listed on the Cheri’s Choice website
• Consider working with a coach who has walked this road and come out the other side
Most of all, give yourself some grace. It takes courage to ask for help and seek solutions.
And please don’t listen to the critical voices (internal or external)—just follow your heart.
You may not realize it, but your commitment and strength already show the wonderful mother you can become.
I hope you’ll check out the podcast. DM me the word COURAGE for a free session.
#infertilityhurts
#IVFandmentalhealth
