When a child is lost: The grief we must not ignore

When a child dies, the world often goes quiet.

𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗯𝗶𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗲.

We live in a culture that is deeply uncomfortable with grief, especially when it involves a baby who never took a breath, or one whose time on earth was tragically short.

People don’t know what to say, so they say nothing.

They move on quickly. They tell the parent to stay strong, to look forward, to focus on the blessings they still have.

They offer what they believe are encouraging words:
“Don’t worry, you’ll get pregnant again soon.”
“Next time it will work out.”

𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱: 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗴𝗼 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽𝘀 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁.

It doesn’t fade when the casseroles stop coming, or when others assume you’ve “moved on.”

It lingers—quietly, painfully—as love that has nowhere to go.

🌸 The Importance of Grieving
Grieving a child is not something to be “gotten over.”

It is something to be honored.

Each tear, each moment of remembrance, each time we whisper their name… these are acts of love.

To grieve openly is to acknowledge that this little life, however brief, mattered.

When we gloss over our grief, we do ourselves a disservice.

When grief is not acknowledged, it doesn’t disappear. It embeds itself in our bodies, our reactions, our fears, and sometimes in the way we love.

Unresolved grief and trauma can live in our bodies as tension, hypervigilance, or chronic anxiety.

Buried pain can make it difficult to be emotionally open and present.
If left unaddressed, it can keep us from being the mothers we want to be.

🕊️ 𝗪𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘄𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗴𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳

If you’ve lost a child:

• Find a remembrance ritual. Visit your child’s resting place, light a candle, write a letter— whatever helps keep the connection alive in a healthy, loving way.

• Let yourself feel. Grief has no timeline. Healing does not mean forgetting.

• Seek community. Consider finding a grief counselor or joining a grief support group of people who understand loss.

If you love someone who’s grieving:

• Acknowledge the loss. Offering a simple “I’m so sorry” is far better than silence.

• Listen. Your presence often says more than words can express.

• Remember with them. Mark anniversaries, donate to a meaningful cause, light a candle on October 15th for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

When we create space for grief, we create space for healing.

My daughter Rachel lived only in my womb, but she shaped my heart forever.

When I tell her story, I honor not just her, but every parent who has ever loved and lost.

Let’s stop looking away.

Let’s meet grief with tenderness, remembrance, and reverence.

Because the memory of our child never fades, even when our baby is out of reach. 🩷

hashtag#miscarriage
hashtag#pregnancyloss