From exclusion to embrace: How IVF opens the door for LGBTQ families

For too long, love wasn’t enough to build a family.

Last month, a dear friend of mine welcomed twin baby girls through the miracle of IVF and surrogacy. He and his male partner were elated. Like so many couples trying to build a family through non-traditional means, their road wasn’t easy. Their first surrogate didn’t work out, and I could feel their heartbreak.

Their story highlights something we don’t talk about nearly enough: the struggle of same-sex couples to become parents.

I was surprised to learn that the first documented case of two gay men having children via surrogacy and donor eggs was in 1999, a full twenty years after the first IVF baby was born. 

Think about that. 

Before then, entire generations of LGBTQ couples had to live with the devastating reality that their sexual orientation meant their dreams of parenthood were out of reach.

Until recently, society even questioned whether same-sex couples could be “good parents.”

Thankfully, decades of research now show what love has proven all along: the gender of the parents has no bearing on the happiness or adjustment of their children. Love is what makes a family.

I just read a People Magazine article about two women who endured multiple pregnancy losses and are now turning to IVF to build the family they’ve dreamed of for six years. Their courage resonated with me—their persistence and refusal to give up echoed my struggle.

Did you know that many lesbian couples choose to do Reciprocal IVF, meaning one partner provides the egg and the other partner carries the baby? If they have multiple children, they switch. I love that spirit of partnership and shared experience!

These couples underscore something vital: for LGBTQ couples, IVF and surrogacy are not luxuries. They are avenues of possibility, and bridges to motherhood and fatherhood that were previously unavailable.

Without these medical advances, entire groups of people—people ready, willing, and deeply capable of parenting—would be excluded from the joy of raising children.

IVF is not just about biology. It’s about inclusion.

To all the same-sex couples working to create families, I support you. I celebrate your victories. I mourn your losses. And I stand with you in the fight to keep these options open and available for all.  

#IVFforLGBTQ
#SurrogacyforLGBTQ
#RighttoIVF