When my marriage ended, I feared my dream of motherhood ended with it.

When my marriage ended, I feared my dream of motherhood ended with it.

For women who divorce in their 30s or 40s without children, this is a very real concern.

We know divorce brings with it emotional, logistical, and financial challenges.  But we rarely discuss another consequence many women face: lost reproductive time.

A woman who leaves a marriage in her 30s or 40s may still desperately want children, but the years required to divorce, heal, meet another partner, and build a healthy and stable relationship can collide with the years when fertility is declining rapidly.

That pressure can lead women to settle for the wrong relationship, rush into the next one, or ultimately abandon a long-held dream of motherhood.

I almost did.

After years of trying to force-fit the traditional fairy tale of marriage and family with an incompatible spouse, I realized I would have to pursue motherhood without a marital partner…or not at all.

At first, that reality felt like failure. 

Later, I discovered that choice gave me newfound freedom and the ability to create a family on my own terms.

True, my family looks different from the traditional ones we’re taught to expect.

But my path let me build an amazing career, have a boy and a girl, focus exclusively on my children’s needs in their early years, and ultimately find love and partnership in a way I never experienced in my marriage.

So, to the woman whose marriage is ending—or who knows deep down that it needs to end—I want you to know:

Divorce does not necessarily close the door on motherhood.

And you don't have to race to find someone else to marry before some invisible clock runs out.

If you’re like me, it may be that pursuing motherhood on your own terms, and letting love find you in its own time, is a path worth considering.

There is more than one way to build a family. And sometimes letting go of a fairy tale that doesn’t serve us is what allows us to write a better one.

This is exactly what Mardi Winder and I talked about on her podcast, “The D Shift”.  I hope you’ll tune in.

Because motherhood doesn’t have to wait for the perfect relationship, the perfect timing, or the traditional fairy tale. The marriage may end. The dream doesn’t have to.

Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is step outside the norm and create something that is beautiful and uniquely ours.

#motherhoodafterdivorce
#singlemotherbychoice