Surrogacy: Vanity? Or medical necessity?
Many people assume surrogacy is a vanity decision. Often, it starts with a diagnosis.
A gestational carrier (sometimes called a gestational surrogate) is someone who carries a pregnancy created through IVF—typically with no genetic connection to the baby.
The use of gestational carriers has increased dramatically over the past two decades. In the U.S., gestational carrier use has jumped from under 1% of IVF cycles in 1999 to over 5% today.
As surrogacy becomes more visible, so does the judgment.
Women who use gestational carriers are often criticized for "not carrying their own baby," as if pregnancy were simply a matter of courage, dedication, or aesthetics.
I'll admit it: I initially rushed to conclusions when I heard celebrities like Chrissy Teigen and Paris Hilton used surrogates.
Then I learned more.
Chrissy carried and delivered three children before suffering the loss of her son, Jack, at 20 weeks due to a partial placental abruption. After that kind of trauma and medical risk, a gestational carrier helped her and John Legend expand their family with the birth of their son, Wren.
Paris Hilton's story is different. Her reason is deeply personal and mental-health related. She has described being terrified of pregnancy and medical procedures due to trauma from her childhood. For her, choosing surrogacy was about psychological safety. Using a surrogate helped Paris and her husband welcome two children.
And these situations aren't rare.
Gestational carriers are often needed because of serious medical conditions—uterine abnormalities, heart conditions, cancer treatment, severe preeclampsia, dangerous placental disorders, and more.
Without surrogacy, many women would be forced to abandon the dream of having a biological child.
With surrogacy, that dream becomes possible.
It got me thinking…Who am I to judge a woman (or couple) for using a gestational carrier or assume I understand the private, painful, complicated path that led them there??
I certainly didn't want to be judged for becoming a single mother by choice via IVF and donor conception.
That's why we need to keep having these open and honest conversations—because unless we’ve been there, we cannot understand the struggle, the loss, the longing,…and the hope that surrogacy can offer.
My friend Arsiak Vartenian has lived this. Now she’s on a mission to demystify surrogacy and help women become mothers.
Arsiak will join our expert panel on January 26 to discuss surrogacy and how it helped her and her husband create the family they dreamed about.
I hope you'll join us for this conversation. Registration opens on Monday.
#surrogacy
#gestationalcarrier
#cherischoice
