Supporting our donor-conceived children

One question has followed me for more than a decade as the parent of a donor-conceived child:
How do I help my son understand where he came from?

Underneath that question is a Pandora's Box of others:

❓ When should I share his origin story?
❓ How much detail should I share as he gets older?
❓ What do I do if he wants to learn more about the donor or discover whether he has half-siblings?

These questions can feel overwhelming. 

There are so many unknowns, and once the box is opened, it can't be closed.

This is the day-to-day journey I've navigated with my son, whom I conceived more than a decade ago with the help of an anonymous sperm donor.

From the beginning, I was grounded in this truth:  leading with openness, transparency, and love was essential.

So I revealed his story, little by little.

First, I shared that he was so deeply wanted that I had asked a doctor to help me get pregnant.

Then, when he was a toddler, I told him he was created from "superhero sperm" (an age-appropriate image of an invisible father figure).

In the years that followed, I shared more details.

Then last year, I met a single mother by choice and her son, who had expanded their village by connecting with a network of half-siblings conceived using the same donor.

I had never seriously considered that possibility before.

And I wasn't entirely sure why.

🤔 Was it because my son had already been through so much with my custody battle?
🤔. Was it because I've built a beautiful village around him and felt it was already giving him what he needed?
🤔. Or was there a small lingering fear of the unknown about opening Pandora's Box in a much bigger way?

The answer is yes to all three.

Then I met Wendy Kramer, founder of the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR).

She challenged me to think about the journey in new ways.

Millions of donor-conceived people now exist worldwide, yet for decades, there were very few resources to help them connect with half-siblings or learn more about their genetic origins.

Twenty years ago, Wendy and her donor-conceived son, Ryan, set out to change that.

Today, the DSR has helped connect nearly 30,000 donor-conceived people with half-siblings and/or their genetic parent.

I'm speaking with Wendy today at 1:00 PM ET about their mission and its impact on so many families.

After learning more about the registry, I spoke with my son.

Together, we decided to join.

We have no idea what we'll discover.

🌈. Maybe there are other "superhero" kids out there.
🌈. Maybe there are beautiful connections waiting to be found.
🌈. Perhaps there’s a bigger, beautiful village waiting to be discovered.

With all the unknowns, I know this.

Sometimes supporting our children means being willing to walk into the unknown alongside them.

There’s no telling where the journey will lead, but we’ll figure it out together.