Should I settle?
My biological clock cost me eight years of my life.
I was recently interviewed by Brianne Hogan for a Yahoo Canada article on dating after 40. The big topic shaping timing and choice? Fertility and the biological clock.
The biological clock often creates urgency for women dating in their late 20s and 30s. There’s a subtle undercurrent: “I need to qualify you in or out as a potential mate because I’m running out of time.”
A recent U.S. survey of 2,000 women ages 18–40 found that 60% see their biological clock as a countdown and 41% feel pressure to have children by 35 (the age doctors call “advanced maternal age”).
Many ambitious women who want children ask themselves: “Should I settle and marry someone now because I want to be a mother?”
It’s a fair question.
It’s also a dangerous one.
I know because I did it. I married someone who looked good on paper after just ten months—because of my ticking clock. Our marriage wasn’t built on love or compatibility; it was built on desperation. It cost me eight years of my life. When we divorced, I felt like I’d been paroled from a life sentence of unhappiness.
I eventually became a single mother by choice and had my children at 44 and 46. Today, I have the beautiful, blended family I always wanted–but it came after learning some hard truths.
The real costs of settling for the wrong person:
· Emotional: Being with the wrong partner can be lonelier than being alone. Our incompatibilities created tension, frustration, and resentment.
· Temporal: Ironically, rushing into marriage delayed my path to motherhood as we wasted years trying to fix what was broken.
· Financial: Divorce is expensive, especially if you’re a higher earner. Mine cost tens of thousands.
· Child Impact: Even though we split before my daughter was born (who we now co-parent), our nasty divorce took a tremendous toll on her and still does.
So while your biological clock may be ticking loudly, forcing a marriage may not be the best answer.
My advice? Don’t trade your dreams for deadlines. The cost of waiting—or pursuing solo motherhood—can be far less than the cost of choosing the wrong partner.
#refusetosettle
#thebiologicalclock
#singlemothersbychoice
