I got my Christmas wish..other women may not be so lucky

I got my Christmas wish.

Six years ago, a judge ordered my estranged husband to take a DNA test to prove whether he was my son’s biological father.

Three days later, we got the answer: 𝟬% 𝗼𝗱𝗱𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆.

This is the picture we took as we celebrated.

It was no surprise. I conceived my son using an anonymous sperm donor during a long-term legal separation. But this result was the legal nail in the coffin—the final step in shutting down my ex’s false claim to my child.

My family was finally free.

But freedom came at a cost.

😢 $250,000 in legal fees

😢 Six months of forced visitation with a man who had no connection to my son

😢 Therapy for my boy, who felt traumatized

😢 Confusion for my daughter, who watched her father misrepresent the truth

The emotional toll was far greater than the financial one.

Why am I sharing this now?

𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗸—𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗶𝘁.

Many states have strict presumed father laws (Texas, California, New York, Florida, and Washington). Under these laws, a legally married man is presumed to be the father of any child born to his wife—regardless of biology or intention.

𝗜’𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗱𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗲.

But I feel compelled to share these risks so no other family endures what we did.

𝗥𝗶𝘀𝗸 #𝟭: 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱

Women delay divorce for many reasons—finances, kids, business ties, health insurance, to name a few.

But if your fertility is declining and you want to conceive now, you must protect yourself legally.

Options to consider before conception:

✅ A legal separation agreement with clear language

State that future children conceived after separation will not be shared and that parental rights and obligations are waived.

✅ A court order of non-parentage during divorce

Petition the court declaring your intent to use donor sperm, not your spouse.

✅ Finalize the divorce before conceiving

Not always easy, but the safest option.

𝗥𝗶𝘀𝗸 #𝟮: 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗻𝗼𝗻-𝗯𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁

Courts often look beyond biology.

They look at your actions.

If you:

👉 Live with a man

👉 Let him participate in child decisions

👉 Accept financial support

👉 Present him publicly as the parent

…a court may view him as a psychological father, even without biology.

This risk increases when the biological father is unknown, uninvolved, or a donor.

I won my case because I never involved my ex with my child in these ways. Most women don’t realize how these innocent actions can be weaponized in court.

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗺𝘆 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻.

Through Cheri’s Choice, I’m committed to helping women understand these risks and fighting to change outdated laws so they can pursue motherhood on their own terms.

If you’d like to support this work, donate to Cheri’s Choice or sign our Change.org petition.

#presumedfather