My husband doesn’t want kids

My husband doesn’t want kids. What should I do?

This topic came up in my recent conversation on the 𝘕𝘰 𝘚𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘝𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘴 podcast with Mary Rothwell.

Mary and I had very different experiences.

She wasn’t sure she wanted children, so when her husband said he didn’t, she didn’t push for motherhood. She’s at peace with her decision.

My story went another way.

My husband said he wanted children, but his behavior told a different story. Shifting timelines. Changing positions. A lack of financial and emotional readiness. Over time, it became clear we weren’t aligned. We eventually divorced and I became a single mother by choice.

That experience—painful as it was—taught me something crucial about the cost of waiting for someone else to be ready.

It's why this question comes up so often in my work with women now.

Many are married to men who are ambivalent about parenthood or not driven to pursue it.

There are no easy answers, but research does offer clarity.

Global studies show women tend to feel a stronger desire for children than men.

Men’s reluctance frequently stems from practical concerns: money, work–life balance, relationship strain, or fear of losing autonomy.

Women, on the other hand, are more likely to experience the desire for motherhood as deeply tied to identity and meaning.

When one spouse is unsure, disagreement often turns one partner into the gatekeeper of a life-defining decision.

That mismatch leaves couples at a crossroads.

Without sugarcoating the issue, here are some hard truths:

👉 Having a child with an unwilling partner will not fix a strained marriage. In fact, research shows marital satisfaction typically declines for several years after having children, even in strong relationships.

👉 Involuntary childlessness is linked to higher stress, depression, and lower well-being in women.

👉 Large U.S. studies on reproductive regret show the most common regrets center on not having children or having them with the wrong partner.

Some women choose their spouse—their soulmate. I respect that.

Other couples figure it out and have kids. Many don’t.

If you’re facing this decision, clarity matters more than compromise-by-delay.

Ask yourself:

❓If I remove fear, shame, and social pressure, what do I actually want?

❓Ten years from now, if my life looks exactly the same, how will I feel?

❓When I imagine regret, which feels heavier: regretting leaving this marriage or regretting never becoming a mother?

❓What would my 70-year-old self thank me for having the courage to choose?

If you’re navigating this now, you don’t have to carry it alone. Message me if you want to talk it through.

For deeper relationship-focused work, my friend Mina Yang, author of Boss Lady Boss Love, is a wonderful resource.

Keep in mind: this decision isn't about choosing between love and motherhood. It's about getting clarity and having the courage to choose the life you truly want.