Dancing through life: What Derek Hough taught me about curiosity, heartbreak, and hope

When I met my idol, Derek Hough, he didn't meet my expectations.

He gracefully danced right past them.

You probably know the four-time Emmy-winning dancer and choreographer from 𝘈𝘉𝘊'𝘴 𝘋𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴, where his joy and creativity light up the stage.

I was lucky enough to dance with him—just for thirty seconds—but what stayed with me went far beyond that fleeting moment on the dance floor.

What truly moved me was something he said when the music stopped.

Derek told me that he tries to meet everyone with curiosity rather than judgment, especially people he doesn't instantly click with.

In his book 𝘛𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘓𝘦𝘢𝘥: 𝘓𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢 𝘓𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘔𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, he wrote:

"The only thing certain in life is uncertainty. When you're fearful of the unknown, what you're really unsure of is your ability to create your own life. 𝗥𝗲𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘆: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀? 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗜 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗺𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗺𝘆 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀?"

His words struck me. How often do we enter a room sizing people up instead of seeking to understand them?

As someone pursuing motherhood outside traditional paths, I've experienced both sides of this divide.

I've felt the sting of judgment around my decision to become a single mother by choice.

But I've also been met with genuine curiosity from those who chose to see the loving intention behind my journey rather than making assumptions.

It's a reminder that deeper understanding starts with simply wondering why instead of assuming we already know.

Then, a year later, Derek's philosophy would take on even deeper meaning.

On October 15th, Derek and his wife Hayley opened their hearts publicly—sharing not only their joy in expecting a baby, but also their heartbreak over the child they lost.

Hayley expressed on Instagram:

"There are some things in life that change you forever. For us, this is one of those things. A chapter of love, loss, heartbreak, and everything in between. As we are now in October, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, we share this part of our story to honor our baby that never made it earthside."

We think of public figures as leading privileged lives, protected somehow from the struggles the rest of us face.

𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲—𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗼𝘂𝗰𝗵𝗲𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗵𝗶𝗰, 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺𝘀 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻.

Suddenly, Derek's words came back to me.

Because grief, too, forces us to face the unknown—to live with questions we can't always answer, and to stay open to possibility rather than being consumed by fear.

Maybe that's the bigger takeaway. Whether we're meeting someone whose choices we don't understand or facing a loss that shatters our carefully laid plans, our job is to stay open to what life is trying to teach us.

And to keep dancing through it.